Oh me, Oh my

The stock market has crapped out once and is desperately seeking the H1N1 anti-venom before old snake eyes slithers into town again.

Real Estate sales, the last refuge of the over-motivated and under-qualified, is comatose and on home buyer credit life support. The only thing selling now are huts, hovels and lean-tos. Who can live off the commissions from that?

The banks, all having decided that they prefer the view from the inside of their own rectums when compared to the view of the real world, are universally committed to a tits on a bull strategic vision. Having yanked hundreds of billions of dollars in credit out of the economy, even for credit worthy borrowers, they are now forced to bonus themselves back to prosperity.

Hopped up on quaaludes and cheap wine, the IRS is making international booty calls and has the secret Swiss banking system's number on speed dial. Exactly where are the wealthy supposed to hide their unreported wealth while they complain bitterly about taxes being too high?

Realizing that they might now have to earn their money the old fashioned way, the 2 and 20 crowd is returning a lot more phone calls these days. But now faced with the prospect of perp walks and no longer being able to ply their trade openly, the super savvy are deciding that bailing on their hedge funds might be a better option than the long swim to the surface where they can once again gank their subscriber base.

And Bernie Madoff is still putting the smack down, only now he's doing it from the prison court yard.

Even the good news turned bad. Everybody was breathing a big sigh of relief that only those bailout whores still actively suckling at the federal teat had to deal with the Feinberg compensation caps. But then Ben Bernanke shows up at the party with individually labeled tubes of KY jelly. Rut ro! Hey Ben, is that a helicopter in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

And how long is it going to be before the tax bill comes due on all this medical reform crap for the unwashed heathens, with their hip replacements and expensive drug therapy plans. Who needs all that, their miserable lives can't be all that enjoyable anyway.

I tell ya it ain't easy being rich. Having to face the indignity of shopping at the mall and having to breath swine flu contaminated air. Dear God, is there no mercy? There isn't even any valet parking there. Oh the humanity.

Michael Jackson is dead, and I don't feel so good myself. I mean he had it all, fame, fortune, power, the love of family and friends. Yet he died a virtual prisoner of his own success. Unable to remain a god, yet unable to become a mere mortal. He ended up living and dying a Howard Hughes-ish night mare.

Is this what awaits the wealthy. Where is our compassion? Come on, the rest of us are used to the degradation and indignities of daily life. What kind of unholy beast expects the wealthy to go from personalized shopping at Hermes to the self check out line at the Wally World.

Even Bill Gates refused to bequeath his billions to his children because he didn't want to burden them with it. Really, I mean who wants to be known as the asshole that started off life as a cajillionaire and ended up turning tricks for milk money. The pressure must be enormous.

In order to relieve this needless suffering I propose we take matters into our own hands. We must lift an offering. Give whatever you can afford to give. The suffering of the elite must last not one minute longer. The more enterprising among you might set up fundraisers. Bake sales and car washes are good enough for local libraries and public schools but wholly insufficient for this major challenge. I propose that each of us take on a project. Personally I am going to visit the nearby bus stops during nap time and clandestinely relieve the local urban leisure technicians of their ill gotten beggar profits. They will only spend it on vices instead of properly stimulating the economy.

Each of us must resolve that it stops here and now with me. The whining and complaining of the privileged must not go unheeded. Each of us must give until it hurts so that others may live (a life of decadence)!

How can we call ourselves a great society if there are no elite to trickle down on the rest of us.