The board of racism

I have always thought that there should be clearing house to sort through any and all claims of a racial nature. A central authority, if you will, for sanctioning claims of racism by black people. I'm sure the Hispanics and the Asians will want to form similar bodies once they see the revenue potential.

The board would have authority to adjudicate all claims of racism by scoundrels who get caught with their elbows in the cookie jar and then proclaim the racist cookies made them do it.

This august body of authorities on race would include a few preeminent scholars, a couple of home boys and the obligatory token liberal white person. They would be the final arbiter of what is or isn't racial discrimination.

To fund its operations, it would have a copyright on all things racial. It would collect royalties similar to the way ASCAP collects music royalties from those who entertain their patrons with copyrighted music.

 "They didn't hire me cause I'm black".
"Excuse me brother, that will be twenty five cents for use of our trademark".

"You are charged with trafficking 350 kilos of cocaine, how do you plead?"
"They let them white boys get away it, they only targeted me because I'm black."
"In addition to your sentence, you sir will be required to pay restitution to the Board Of Racism."

"In my capacity as pastor of The Greater Denominational NoMemberHaving congregation I retain the right to speak for all black people on all matters at all times without exception.
"Pardon me reverend, we will be needing a cut of those tithes."

The proceeds would be collected and distributed to those with delinquent Cadillac payments as reparations for way too many years of actual bullshit.