Monday, April 19, 2010

This can only mean one thing

Birds singing, flowers blooming, grass turning green. This can only mean one thing.

Total uninhibited scorched earth war! Oh yeah, get out the donkey kong cause it is so on.

They started it. They brought this upon themselves. And unless a proper response is forthcoming everyone might think that the aggrieved have been totally punked.

I don't think so. You urban dwellers might think gang wars can get ugly, but that will be a day at the circus compared to the hell that's about to be unleashed in this war.

To be prepared for this conflict one must be properly armed with sufficient hardware. I had one of those little hand held jobs but clearly it was not going to be up to the battle that is certain to ensue. Every decent sized town in America has at least one dealer and usually two in close proximity in competition with each other. This is America dammit. I plan to let that competition work to my benefit.

To survive this war we need to acquire a full rig, one of those thermonuclear powered deals. And everyone who is unarmed or insufficiently armed is just going to be so much collateral damage. This sort of thing used to be civilized. But in this day and age there are no such things as noncombatants.

This started when the neighbors did their initial spring yard maintenance and concluded by leaf blowing their clippings and miscellaneous crap over onto my side. Oh yeah, I'll be your bitch, have yourself a ball.

At least until the crack of dawn this weekend when me and my newly acquired plutonium powered leaf blower and I will be positioned right outside your window cranked up to full blast to return all the crap that you blew over last weekend plus everything else that ain't nailed down. That will show them who's king around here.

Oh yeah, he'll want to borrow it. But just like they say at the conclusion to Hey Love

"No my brother, you've got to buy your own."

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